While I consider myself a good worker, I struggle with work.  Odd you may think, but let me explain.

It was about 2000 when I first remember the drive to create something great on the internet.  I don’t know if, at that time, it was so that I could try and be a bazillionaire or what (for what it’s worth I wanted to create a high school sports site).  From there I think it just kept growing here and there.

Somewhere along the line I came to think that well since mom and dad were self employed maybe  I should be as well and I’d be much happier if I was self employed.  But wait…mom and dad didn’t have health insurance or retirement.  They had to work thru those sick days and it was a struggle at times.  Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea, but that being self employed still sticks in the back of my mind.

In addition to wanting to make boat loads of money and be self employed I think, for my generation, or perhaps just in the field I’ve worked in, I feel like if you don’t have some sort of side gig making you some extra money your doing it wrong.  Or if you’re not hopping from exotic location to exotic location working for 2 minutes a day your doing it wrong.

Lastly working in the newspaper business for a fair amount of my career so far probably has not been the best.  I never chose to work in that industry because it was my calling and I wanted to hold the government accountable (funny that I now work for the government).  I chose it because it paid the bills and at the start it was a good wage.  But over time that pay degraded, or my thoughts of what was good pay was upped, and I felt like I was under appreciated.

Bosses also didn’t help.  I don’t think, until now, I’ve ever had a boss that has been for the employees.  It’s always been about the bottom line.  My current boss, for all of her faults, is for the employees as much as she can be. She understands, I feel.

I’m coming to grips with all of these thoughts that have been haunting me the past 20 years.  They still poke their nasty heads out, but I’m feeling like I have better control over them.  I think a big part of it has to do with being grateful for what I do have.  Yeah I haven’t had a pay raise in years and even took a pay cut.  However I do have a job with pretty good benefits.  When I stop and really start to focus on what I don’t have, that is when I get down and get pissed at work and wonder if I could do it better on my own.  I’m not saying that maybe I won’t have a side gig that makes a bit of money, but I’m also happy not having it and thinking about it all the time.

I don’t know if these feelings are a generational thing, but I kind of think it might be.  I look at some people I know who are a big older and they, to my knowledge, are not trying to create a side gig or hustle.  They are just enjoying the time with their family.

Lastly this leaves us with the current work situation. As I’ve mentioned with many members of the family I feel as I’ve I’ve gone from one side of the pendulum where it was crisis all the time (newspaper; perhaps also my view point) to the other side where at times I have very little to do and it borders on boredom. My feelers will be out there this year looking at other opportunities and maybe something will come from it. Perhaps this is where God has me and where I will be until he says differently. I don’t know. I do know that staying here at the state for the long term is probably not doable (perhaps in another position it might be).

I’m curious to hear other thoughts on work and I suspect as this year goes by I will revisit this issue.